I can't help but compare the Sanctity of Human Life Day and the Roe vs Wade Legalization of abortion days (January 23 and January 22 respectively) with the actual abortion process. Everything falls in line with so many similarities.
SILENCE.
I'm not a news junky, but I heard very little conversations about this topic in the media this weekend.
There is so much silence surrounding this issue. We have grown weary with the debating of it all and there are more pressing issues at hand.
So the women of choice passed quietly through this weekend. Hardly noticing any twinge of pain themselves. Ignoring everything connected to choice seems to be the answer. Maybe if we ignore the whole thing...maybe, just maybe "it" will go away.
NOT. Pain always has a way of surfacing "somewhere." In our bodies, in our minds, in our souls, in our relationships.
Yes, it was a quiet news weekend. Not much up. And so our culture marches on with denial as our best friend.
Showing posts with label abortion loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label abortion loss. Show all posts
Monday, January 24, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Trigger Day
OK.........so we're 38 years past legalization of abortion in our country. Well, we will be tomorrow, January 22nd, the day it officially became a legal right. As we continue to debate the pro's and con's...women sit in silence. I am amazed at how many women keep falling through the cracks. Why talk? No one will listen. My heart saddens on this day...for the women who are trapped in their prison of silence. Like me on Thursday of this week when hearing my friend tell of a news story about a former abortionist. For a few silent and unknown seconds (except to me) I entered my world of isolated horror and grief. I could not in any way connect to the reality of it all. My mind "went there" for a few seconds...my own living hell...then I came back to life and went on with my day. I am a person who is years past the event and with countless hours of healing "under my belt, in my head and heart."
Still there are the ice cold moments that trigger us. Only those who have been there could possibly understand.
The irony of it all is that my abortion was NOT legal. Whether or not it was legal did not make a difference to my thoughts, feelings and own heart. For this reason, I hope I can be a "safe place" for women to share. I feel this is my slice of the pie.
Still there are the ice cold moments that trigger us. Only those who have been there could possibly understand.
The irony of it all is that my abortion was NOT legal. Whether or not it was legal did not make a difference to my thoughts, feelings and own heart. For this reason, I hope I can be a "safe place" for women to share. I feel this is my slice of the pie.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Not me.
It is nearing the anniversary of Roe vs Wade. (January 22). A friend of mine was sharing yesterday a radio broadcast she heard that was very powerful. A woman talking about watching an ultrasound of an abortion. Baby was "fighting" for its life...only 12 weeks old. I tried to wrap my mind around "the process" of abortion. As I listened to her words, I "felt" myself going into an out-of-body experience. For the first time ...all these years past my abortion...I was able to recognize the actual dissociation reaction I was having as she talked. I was unable in my mind and heart to even imagine that my friend could have been talking about ME and MY baby. NO...this was someone else she was describing. NOT ME. For a few fleeting seconds my body was frozen in time. My mind literally went away. I COULD NOT connect what she was describing with my own personal experience. Herein lies the problem for millions of women. Even after all the help and amazing healing I've personally been through for years and years...it is so hard for me to wrap my mind around the horridness of "it" all and connect it to my own personal experience. The power of fear keeps all of us from really "looking at" the pain of abortion. I guess this is why I'm passionate about helping women tell their secrets in safety and with no judgement. I have a feeling there are millions of women "out there" whose mind and hearts go to a "different place" when they hear their friend talk about abortion. For me, it was another time. Another world. Another place. It wasn't me. No, NOT ME.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Press Release: New Resource Helps Women Face Grief After Abortion Without Fear
Buena Vista, CO (PRWEB) April 21, 2010 -- Professional Therapist Trudy M. Johnson, L.M.F.T., who helps women with grief after an abortion decision, says it is time to give women who've chosen to voluntarily terminate a pregnancy a venue to grieve and process their loss.
Women who've made abortion decisions over the last four decades make up one of the largest demographic in our nation. According to the Alan Guttmacher Institute, a statistical gathering arm of Planned Parenthood over one million choice decisions per year have been made since 1973.
Johnson believes women do not typically talk about an abortion in their past, "This is because they don't want to risk rejection, receive condemnation, or be misunderstood about the natural sadness that can occur after a voluntary pregnancy termination.
Women experience something called disenfranchised grief after an abortion. There are no open venues for talking about, crying about, or expressing any emotion over the feeling of loss that can often blindside a woman after a decision to terminate a pregnancy," says therapist Trudy Johnson, founder of Missing Pieces. Org.
Women who've made abortion decisions over the last four decades make up one of the largest demographic in our nation. According to the Alan Guttmacher Institute, a statistical gathering arm of Planned Parenthood over one million choice decisions per year have been made since 1973.
Johnson believes women do not typically talk about an abortion in their past, "This is because they don't want to risk rejection, receive condemnation, or be misunderstood about the natural sadness that can occur after a voluntary pregnancy termination.
Women experience something called disenfranchised grief after an abortion. There are no open venues for talking about, crying about, or expressing any emotion over the feeling of loss that can often blindside a woman after a decision to terminate a pregnancy," says therapist Trudy Johnson, founder of Missing Pieces. Org.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Grandbabies: Abortion Reality Check
I compartmentalized my voluntary pregnancy termination so many years ago while in college. Now as I was holding this wee little bundle of a grandchild I was hit with emotion I didn’t know how to handle.
Working with women who reach a new level of reality concerning the deep dark secret of their abortion choice, I never cease to be amazed at how the birth of that first grandchild can be an incredible trigger. On one hand I am always comforted that I am not alone in this place of pain. On the other hand, I never cease to be amazed at how much buried angst resides in the hearts of women who’ve made a choice decision.
I accomplished some level of healing over a period of years. But abortion is (I say probably much too often) the gift that keeps on giving. I was visiting my son and his wife after the birth of my first grandchild. I was excited about the visit. I thought the plane to Ft. Lauderdale from Colorado would never get there. I thought I was prepared for seeing Collin Grant. The name fits him appropriately now. But at the time, I thought it was an awfully grown up name for a brand new baby. I imagined that “first hold.”
But in retrospect there was no way to fathom what looking down in that little face wrapped in the soft flannel blanket would mean to me. Words can’t describe the emotion that welled up strong inside of me.
I thought I was prepared, but I wasn’t. This is often the reaction I hear from other ladies who also go through the experience of that “first grandbaby hold.” The impact of the generational flow of life is beyond comprehension and very powerful. When you add the component of grief surrounding your own decision for voluntary pregnancy termination, the experience is a double edged sword. The little bundle is a reminder of the hope of the future and a reminder of things not meant to be from the past.
Future and past meet and even collide. Women of choice are often overcome with an unexpected flow of happiness and grief when they meet their first grandbaby. If you have chosen a voluntary pregnancy termination you need to know that grief after an abortion choice is real. While our culture says that abortion is the closure, what I see from my personal vantage point and also the professional venue, the abortion is a start of a long process to resolution.
Tomorrow I will give you things to consider if you are a Grandmother with a volutary pregnancy termination in your past.
Working with women who reach a new level of reality concerning the deep dark secret of their abortion choice, I never cease to be amazed at how the birth of that first grandchild can be an incredible trigger. On one hand I am always comforted that I am not alone in this place of pain. On the other hand, I never cease to be amazed at how much buried angst resides in the hearts of women who’ve made a choice decision.
I accomplished some level of healing over a period of years. But abortion is (I say probably much too often) the gift that keeps on giving. I was visiting my son and his wife after the birth of my first grandchild. I was excited about the visit. I thought the plane to Ft. Lauderdale from Colorado would never get there. I thought I was prepared for seeing Collin Grant. The name fits him appropriately now. But at the time, I thought it was an awfully grown up name for a brand new baby. I imagined that “first hold.”
But in retrospect there was no way to fathom what looking down in that little face wrapped in the soft flannel blanket would mean to me. Words can’t describe the emotion that welled up strong inside of me.
I thought I was prepared, but I wasn’t. This is often the reaction I hear from other ladies who also go through the experience of that “first grandbaby hold.” The impact of the generational flow of life is beyond comprehension and very powerful. When you add the component of grief surrounding your own decision for voluntary pregnancy termination, the experience is a double edged sword. The little bundle is a reminder of the hope of the future and a reminder of things not meant to be from the past.
Future and past meet and even collide. Women of choice are often overcome with an unexpected flow of happiness and grief when they meet their first grandbaby. If you have chosen a voluntary pregnancy termination you need to know that grief after an abortion choice is real. While our culture says that abortion is the closure, what I see from my personal vantage point and also the professional venue, the abortion is a start of a long process to resolution.
Tomorrow I will give you things to consider if you are a Grandmother with a volutary pregnancy termination in your past.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
A Reminder of How Talking Helps
The tragic shooting at Ft. Hood left our nation in a cloud of sadness. The grief touched our hearts and souls at the deepest levels. I was sad about the loss of people I'd never seen, never met, never knew. Deep inside us there is a natural grief that follows a loss like this. I found myself trying not to think about "it." Yet a few hours later, I would start talking about "it" again. I was compelled to send my two boys emails reminding them I loved them. I called my mom..."just to talk." Something about grief and loss drives us to want to connect. We don't want to be alone in our sadness. Thinking about this, while a completely different circumstance, I was reminded of how those of us who've chosen to voluntarily terminate a pregnancy are so alone in our grief. We don't, won't, can't talk about our feeling of loss and sadness. This isn't a natural reaction to grief. We need a better way for women.
Monday, November 2, 2009
The Real Losers: Women Who Sit in Silence
The buzz on the blogs is that the pro-choicers are losing the battle to the pro-lifers. Once again this confirms my mantra. In the midst of all the dialogue and political rheteroic and debate, women sit silent afraid to talk about their abortions.
The real people getting hurt, dismissed and minimized are the women who know the most about the issue. They sit silently with no where to go with their disenfranchised grief.
The blah blah continues while women cry in their closets. It is time to stop the debate for lets say two days or so and let women have their voices. Come on people! We can do better for our women. Pro-con...whatever... It's all a bunch of words to the woman who suffers in her disenfranchised grief bed.
The real people getting hurt, dismissed and minimized are the women who know the most about the issue. They sit silently with no where to go with their disenfranchised grief.
The blah blah continues while women cry in their closets. It is time to stop the debate for lets say two days or so and let women have their voices. Come on people! We can do better for our women. Pro-con...whatever... It's all a bunch of words to the woman who suffers in her disenfranchised grief bed.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Thirty Years of Tears
Just yesterday I had a woman on my couch (literally) who wept and wept about the abortion she had 30 years ago. She was only 16 at the time of the "vpt". She had never talked about the abortion, much less cried in front of anyone. This wasn’t anything about the legalities of abortion. This was one woman’s heart that needed to let out the grief she had felt so long.
We’ve taken the issue of “choice” off the streets and out of the back-alley. It is now time to let those who have made the choice grieve their loss without the spotlight of political or religious dialogue. Women who’ve made the choice shouldn’t have to risk rejection, condemnation, misunderstanding or disapproval just because at a later point in time they are searching for resolution to their loss.
We’ve taken the issue of “choice” off the streets and out of the back-alley. It is now time to let those who have made the choice grieve their loss without the spotlight of political or religious dialogue. Women who’ve made the choice shouldn’t have to risk rejection, condemnation, misunderstanding or disapproval just because at a later point in time they are searching for resolution to their loss.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
April 19, 1985
She was sitting in the big granny rocker that's in the corner of my counseling room. I guessed her age to be 10 years younger than she actually was. She was delightful in demeanor but in her eyes were a sadness that compelled me to look closer.
I never cease to be amazed at women's stories. I am also reminded frequently at how many details of the "vpt" day that come to mind when "the story" gets told. She remembered "that day" very well. Her "vpt" day was April 19, 1985. She described the weather, the doctor's office, the doctor's face, the feel of her husband's hand as he stood beside her and squeezed it. Tears were flowing and her voice shook. So much emotion there that had never been expressed! Her tone turned to anger as she talked about the reasons why. It softened as she went into the "what-if's" and the "I wonders." "I wonder what my child would have looked like. Would it be a girl, one like my precious 25 year old daughter...the light of my life.?"
I could go on recounting the story. The important thing is that someone was there to hear her story. Someone was there to listen with compassion and hand her a kleenex to wipe the tear falling down her cheek. It is so good to tell our stories. This is the beginning of finding our way home ...to comfort and to peace. ~Selah.
I never cease to be amazed at women's stories. I am also reminded frequently at how many details of the "vpt" day that come to mind when "the story" gets told. She remembered "that day" very well. Her "vpt" day was April 19, 1985. She described the weather, the doctor's office, the doctor's face, the feel of her husband's hand as he stood beside her and squeezed it. Tears were flowing and her voice shook. So much emotion there that had never been expressed! Her tone turned to anger as she talked about the reasons why. It softened as she went into the "what-if's" and the "I wonders." "I wonder what my child would have looked like. Would it be a girl, one like my precious 25 year old daughter...the light of my life.?"
I could go on recounting the story. The important thing is that someone was there to hear her story. Someone was there to listen with compassion and hand her a kleenex to wipe the tear falling down her cheek. It is so good to tell our stories. This is the beginning of finding our way home ...to comfort and to peace. ~Selah.
Monday, September 28, 2009
30 Years of Tears
Recently,I had a woman on my couch (literally) who wept and wept about the abortion she had 30 years ago. She was only 16 at the time of the "vpt". She had never talked about the abortion, much less cried in front of anyone. This wasn’t anything about the legalities of abortion. This was one woman’s heart that needed to let out the grief she had felt so long. We’ve taken the issue of “choice” off the streets and out of the back-alley. It is now time to let those who have made the choice grieve their loss without the spotlight of political or religious dialogue. Women who’ve made the choice shouldn’t have to risk rejection, condemnation, misunderstanding or disapproval just because at a later point in time they are searching for resolution to their loss.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Legal Right to Cry
I didn’t realize until I began studying grief in my chaplaincy program that there are several types of grief. What I was feeling and what other women with a history of “vpt” are experiencing is something called disenfranchised grief. The word disenfranchised means to “deprive of a legal right, or of some privilege or immunity.”[1]
Isn’t it interesting that we are given the right to legal termination of a pregnancy but we are not given the right to grieve the loss of the pregnancy when the time comes for us to do so. As someone who made a choice in a difficult situation, I know the pain of “not being allowed to grieve” my loss. The grief is there but we do not give ourselves permission to “go there.” Imagine that getting license to cry could actually be a privilege!
[1] Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary http://www.merriam-webster.com/
Isn’t it interesting that we are given the right to legal termination of a pregnancy but we are not given the right to grieve the loss of the pregnancy when the time comes for us to do so. As someone who made a choice in a difficult situation, I know the pain of “not being allowed to grieve” my loss. The grief is there but we do not give ourselves permission to “go there.” Imagine that getting license to cry could actually be a privilege!
[1] Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary http://www.merriam-webster.com/
Thursday, September 17, 2009
After Abortion: No Cry Zone!
Glamour Magazine courageously offered a recent article (February '09) that will be the catalyst, I believe, for revolutionizing the way women process their choice decisions. You can read the article titled, "Abortion: The Serious Health Decision Women Aren't Talking About Until Now" here: Abortion: The Serious Health Decision Women Aren’t Talking About Until Nowhttp://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2009/02/the-serious-health-decision-women-arent-talking-about-until-now FINALLY! Women are able to talk about the grief they feel over an abortion loss.
As someone who made a choice in a difficult situation, I know the pain of “not being allowed to grieve” my loss. The grief is there but we do not give ourselves permission to “go there.” There is no public venue for grieving. This type of grief is called disenfranchised grief.
Disenfranchised grief is what women who choose "vpt" are feeling about their decision. I am creating a resource to help women specifically with disenfranchised grief and abortion loss. This is the first book of its kind and I hope it will help many women process and resolve their voluntary pregnancy termination. The book is PUBLISHED NOW!!! Go to www.missingpieces.org and choose Pressroom to read about it. :)
As someone who made a choice in a difficult situation, I know the pain of “not being allowed to grieve” my loss. The grief is there but we do not give ourselves permission to “go there.” There is no public venue for grieving. This type of grief is called disenfranchised grief.
Disenfranchised grief is what women who choose "vpt" are feeling about their decision. I am creating a resource to help women specifically with disenfranchised grief and abortion loss. This is the first book of its kind and I hope it will help many women process and resolve their voluntary pregnancy termination. The book is PUBLISHED NOW!!! Go to www.missingpieces.org and choose Pressroom to read about it. :)
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Out of the Back Alley
We’ve taken the issue of “choice” off the streets and out of the back-alley. It is now time to let those who have made the choice grieve their loss without the spotlight of political or religious dialogue.
Women who’ve made the choice shouldn’t have to risk rejection, condemnation, misunderstanding or disapproval just because at a later point in time they are searching for resolution to their loss.
Those who’ve chosen shouldn’t have to assume that if they even try to resolve the grief around the issue that they are putting choice in jeopardy of de- legalization. This would be paramount to a person suffering from alcoholism being afraid to get help because it might cause the nation to go back into the era of prohibition.
It should not only be “OK” to get help to process a past abortion, but it should be absolutely acceptable in the eyes of our culture.I’ve been helping women grieve their abortion losses for 14 years now. Through this process, I’ve realized that we are keeping women in the dark ages because they are unable to grieve a very important loss in their life. This type of grief is called disenfranchised grief.
Women who’ve made the choice shouldn’t have to risk rejection, condemnation, misunderstanding or disapproval just because at a later point in time they are searching for resolution to their loss.
Those who’ve chosen shouldn’t have to assume that if they even try to resolve the grief around the issue that they are putting choice in jeopardy of de- legalization. This would be paramount to a person suffering from alcoholism being afraid to get help because it might cause the nation to go back into the era of prohibition.
It should not only be “OK” to get help to process a past abortion, but it should be absolutely acceptable in the eyes of our culture.I’ve been helping women grieve their abortion losses for 14 years now. Through this process, I’ve realized that we are keeping women in the dark ages because they are unable to grieve a very important loss in their life. This type of grief is called disenfranchised grief.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Bringing the "A" -Word Out of the Closet
Glamour Magazine courageously displayed an article early this year(February '09) that will be the catalyst, I believe, for revolutionizing the way women process their choice decisions. You can read the article titled, "Abortion: The Serious Health Decision Women Aren't Talking About Until Now" here: Abortion: The Serious Health Decision Women Aren’t Talking About Until Nowhttp://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2009/02/the-serious-health-decision-women-arent-talking-about-until-now
The "A"- word incites an incredible amount of political and religious rheteroic. In the meantime, women of choice sit silently with no venue to grieve. Women don't talk about their choice decisions for fear of risking rejection, condemnation, misunderstanding or invalidation of the pain they might feel.
There is a natural and unavoidable grief process for choice decisions, yet there is no venue for talking about, crying or expressing any emotion about the loss. As a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I am using "vpt" ~ "voluntary pregnancy termination" instead of the "A-word" when helping my clients grieve their pregnancy losses incurred because of past choice decisions.
"Vpt" brings processing and resolving the grief connected to the loss out of the political realm into the true heart issue women face...that of grief and loss. We’ve taken the issue of “choice” off the streets and out of the back-alley. Women who’ve made the choice shouldn’t have to risk rejection or misunderstanding just because at a later point in time they are searching for closure. Women haven't been talking. Until now...
The "A"- word incites an incredible amount of political and religious rheteroic. In the meantime, women of choice sit silently with no venue to grieve. Women don't talk about their choice decisions for fear of risking rejection, condemnation, misunderstanding or invalidation of the pain they might feel.
There is a natural and unavoidable grief process for choice decisions, yet there is no venue for talking about, crying or expressing any emotion about the loss. As a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I am using "vpt" ~ "voluntary pregnancy termination" instead of the "A-word" when helping my clients grieve their pregnancy losses incurred because of past choice decisions.
"Vpt" brings processing and resolving the grief connected to the loss out of the political realm into the true heart issue women face...that of grief and loss. We’ve taken the issue of “choice” off the streets and out of the back-alley. Women who’ve made the choice shouldn’t have to risk rejection or misunderstanding just because at a later point in time they are searching for closure. Women haven't been talking. Until now...
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