OK.........so we're 38 years past legalization of abortion in our country. Well, we will be tomorrow, January 22nd, the day it officially became a legal right. As we continue to debate the pro's and con's...women sit in silence. I am amazed at how many women keep falling through the cracks. Why talk? No one will listen. My heart saddens on this day...for the women who are trapped in their prison of silence. Like me on Thursday of this week when hearing my friend tell of a news story about a former abortionist. For a few silent and unknown seconds (except to me) I entered my world of isolated horror and grief. I could not in any way connect to the reality of it all. My mind "went there" for a few seconds...my own living hell...then I came back to life and went on with my day. I am a person who is years past the event and with countless hours of healing "under my belt, in my head and heart."
Still there are the ice cold moments that trigger us. Only those who have been there could possibly understand.
The irony of it all is that my abortion was NOT legal. Whether or not it was legal did not make a difference to my thoughts, feelings and own heart. For this reason, I hope I can be a "safe place" for women to share. I feel this is my slice of the pie.
Showing posts with label grief after abortion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief after abortion. Show all posts
Friday, January 21, 2011
Friday, October 30, 2009
Common Ground
In his controversial speech to Notre Dame this year, President Obama challenged us all to find common ground on the abortion issue. Our culture needs to understand: letting women talk about their abortions is the common ground that each side can embrace.
The "A"- word (abortion) incites an incredible amount of political and religious rheteroic. In the meantime, women of choice sit silently with no venue to grieve. Women don't talk about their choice decisions for fear of risking rejection, condemnation, misunderstanding or invalidation of the pain they might feel.
Glamour Magazine courageously offered an article (February '09) that will be the catalyst, I believe, for revolutionizing the way women process their choice decisions. You can read the article titled, "Abortion: The Serious Health Decision Women Aren't Talking About Until Now" here: Abortion: The Serious Health Decision Women Aren’t Talking About Until Nowhttp://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2009/02/the-serious-health-decision-women-arent-talking-about-until-now
The "A"- word (abortion) incites an incredible amount of political and religious rheteroic. In the meantime, women of choice sit silently with no venue to grieve. Women don't talk about their choice decisions for fear of risking rejection, condemnation, misunderstanding or invalidation of the pain they might feel.
Glamour Magazine courageously offered an article (February '09) that will be the catalyst, I believe, for revolutionizing the way women process their choice decisions. You can read the article titled, "Abortion: The Serious Health Decision Women Aren't Talking About Until Now" here: Abortion: The Serious Health Decision Women Aren’t Talking About Until Nowhttp://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2009/02/the-serious-health-decision-women-arent-talking-about-until-now
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Thirty Years of Tears
Just yesterday I had a woman on my couch (literally) who wept and wept about the abortion she had 30 years ago. She was only 16 at the time of the "vpt". She had never talked about the abortion, much less cried in front of anyone. This wasn’t anything about the legalities of abortion. This was one woman’s heart that needed to let out the grief she had felt so long.
We’ve taken the issue of “choice” off the streets and out of the back-alley. It is now time to let those who have made the choice grieve their loss without the spotlight of political or religious dialogue. Women who’ve made the choice shouldn’t have to risk rejection, condemnation, misunderstanding or disapproval just because at a later point in time they are searching for resolution to their loss.
We’ve taken the issue of “choice” off the streets and out of the back-alley. It is now time to let those who have made the choice grieve their loss without the spotlight of political or religious dialogue. Women who’ve made the choice shouldn’t have to risk rejection, condemnation, misunderstanding or disapproval just because at a later point in time they are searching for resolution to their loss.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
"Now We're Talking!"
Abortion or "voluntary pregnancy termination" is not anything we set out to do as a “goal” per se. It was never any of our basic desires to have to choose. Just like we were all on different roads and now we are here at this intersection, so are the choices we’ve made. Every choice, every decision has its own unique set of circumstances.
For women of choice our commonality is the same. There are other choices we could have made. Single-parenting, “having to get married,” adoption or in the case of a tough medical outcome…none of the options available provided perfect answers. For many of us perfection was demanded from us, either by ourselves or by others.
Choices, decisions are hard. There is never any easy answer. Every single one of the roads we could have chosen involve loss and grief. In abortion decisions we take the solitary road. If feels like we are alone. We don’t talk…until now!
For women of choice our commonality is the same. There are other choices we could have made. Single-parenting, “having to get married,” adoption or in the case of a tough medical outcome…none of the options available provided perfect answers. For many of us perfection was demanded from us, either by ourselves or by others.
Choices, decisions are hard. There is never any easy answer. Every single one of the roads we could have chosen involve loss and grief. In abortion decisions we take the solitary road. If feels like we are alone. We don’t talk…until now!
Monday, September 28, 2009
30 Years of Tears
Recently,I had a woman on my couch (literally) who wept and wept about the abortion she had 30 years ago. She was only 16 at the time of the "vpt". She had never talked about the abortion, much less cried in front of anyone. This wasn’t anything about the legalities of abortion. This was one woman’s heart that needed to let out the grief she had felt so long. We’ve taken the issue of “choice” off the streets and out of the back-alley. It is now time to let those who have made the choice grieve their loss without the spotlight of political or religious dialogue. Women who’ve made the choice shouldn’t have to risk rejection, condemnation, misunderstanding or disapproval just because at a later point in time they are searching for resolution to their loss.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Legal Right to Cry
I didn’t realize until I began studying grief in my chaplaincy program that there are several types of grief. What I was feeling and what other women with a history of “vpt” are experiencing is something called disenfranchised grief. The word disenfranchised means to “deprive of a legal right, or of some privilege or immunity.”[1]
Isn’t it interesting that we are given the right to legal termination of a pregnancy but we are not given the right to grieve the loss of the pregnancy when the time comes for us to do so. As someone who made a choice in a difficult situation, I know the pain of “not being allowed to grieve” my loss. The grief is there but we do not give ourselves permission to “go there.” Imagine that getting license to cry could actually be a privilege!
[1] Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary http://www.merriam-webster.com/
Isn’t it interesting that we are given the right to legal termination of a pregnancy but we are not given the right to grieve the loss of the pregnancy when the time comes for us to do so. As someone who made a choice in a difficult situation, I know the pain of “not being allowed to grieve” my loss. The grief is there but we do not give ourselves permission to “go there.” Imagine that getting license to cry could actually be a privilege!
[1] Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary http://www.merriam-webster.com/
Thursday, September 17, 2009
After Abortion: No Cry Zone!
Glamour Magazine courageously offered a recent article (February '09) that will be the catalyst, I believe, for revolutionizing the way women process their choice decisions. You can read the article titled, "Abortion: The Serious Health Decision Women Aren't Talking About Until Now" here: Abortion: The Serious Health Decision Women Aren’t Talking About Until Nowhttp://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2009/02/the-serious-health-decision-women-arent-talking-about-until-now FINALLY! Women are able to talk about the grief they feel over an abortion loss.
As someone who made a choice in a difficult situation, I know the pain of “not being allowed to grieve” my loss. The grief is there but we do not give ourselves permission to “go there.” There is no public venue for grieving. This type of grief is called disenfranchised grief.
Disenfranchised grief is what women who choose "vpt" are feeling about their decision. I am creating a resource to help women specifically with disenfranchised grief and abortion loss. This is the first book of its kind and I hope it will help many women process and resolve their voluntary pregnancy termination. The book is PUBLISHED NOW!!! Go to www.missingpieces.org and choose Pressroom to read about it. :)
As someone who made a choice in a difficult situation, I know the pain of “not being allowed to grieve” my loss. The grief is there but we do not give ourselves permission to “go there.” There is no public venue for grieving. This type of grief is called disenfranchised grief.
Disenfranchised grief is what women who choose "vpt" are feeling about their decision. I am creating a resource to help women specifically with disenfranchised grief and abortion loss. This is the first book of its kind and I hope it will help many women process and resolve their voluntary pregnancy termination. The book is PUBLISHED NOW!!! Go to www.missingpieces.org and choose Pressroom to read about it. :)
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Bringing the "A" -Word Out of the Closet
Glamour Magazine courageously displayed an article early this year(February '09) that will be the catalyst, I believe, for revolutionizing the way women process their choice decisions. You can read the article titled, "Abortion: The Serious Health Decision Women Aren't Talking About Until Now" here: Abortion: The Serious Health Decision Women Aren’t Talking About Until Nowhttp://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2009/02/the-serious-health-decision-women-arent-talking-about-until-now
The "A"- word incites an incredible amount of political and religious rheteroic. In the meantime, women of choice sit silently with no venue to grieve. Women don't talk about their choice decisions for fear of risking rejection, condemnation, misunderstanding or invalidation of the pain they might feel.
There is a natural and unavoidable grief process for choice decisions, yet there is no venue for talking about, crying or expressing any emotion about the loss. As a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I am using "vpt" ~ "voluntary pregnancy termination" instead of the "A-word" when helping my clients grieve their pregnancy losses incurred because of past choice decisions.
"Vpt" brings processing and resolving the grief connected to the loss out of the political realm into the true heart issue women face...that of grief and loss. We’ve taken the issue of “choice” off the streets and out of the back-alley. Women who’ve made the choice shouldn’t have to risk rejection or misunderstanding just because at a later point in time they are searching for closure. Women haven't been talking. Until now...
The "A"- word incites an incredible amount of political and religious rheteroic. In the meantime, women of choice sit silently with no venue to grieve. Women don't talk about their choice decisions for fear of risking rejection, condemnation, misunderstanding or invalidation of the pain they might feel.
There is a natural and unavoidable grief process for choice decisions, yet there is no venue for talking about, crying or expressing any emotion about the loss. As a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I am using "vpt" ~ "voluntary pregnancy termination" instead of the "A-word" when helping my clients grieve their pregnancy losses incurred because of past choice decisions.
"Vpt" brings processing and resolving the grief connected to the loss out of the political realm into the true heart issue women face...that of grief and loss. We’ve taken the issue of “choice” off the streets and out of the back-alley. Women who’ve made the choice shouldn’t have to risk rejection or misunderstanding just because at a later point in time they are searching for closure. Women haven't been talking. Until now...
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