After Abortion...Silence

I can't help but compare the Sanctity of Human Life Day and the Roe vs Wade Legalization of abortion days (January 23 and January 22 respectively) with the actual abortion process. Everything falls in line with so many similarities.

SILENCE.

I'm not a news junky, but I heard very little conversations about this topic in the media this weekend.

There is so much silence surrounding this issue. We have grown weary with the debating of it all and there are more pressing issues at hand.

So the women of choice passed quietly through this weekend. Hardly noticing any twinge of pain themselves. Ignoring everything connected to choice seems to be the answer. Maybe if we ignore the whole thing...maybe, just maybe "it" will go away.

NOT. Pain always has a way of surfacing "somewhere." In our bodies, in our minds, in our souls, in our relationships.

Yes, it was a quiet news weekend. Not much up. And so our culture marches on with denial as our best friend.

Not me.

It is nearing the anniversary of Roe vs Wade. (January 22). A friend of mine was sharing yesterday a radio broadcast she heard that was very powerful. A woman talking about watching an ultrasound of an abortion. Baby was "fighting" for its life...only 12 weeks old. I tried to wrap my mind around "the process" of abortion. As I listened to her words, I "felt" myself going into an out-of-body experience. For the first time ...all these years past my abortion...I was able to recognize the actual dissociation reaction I was having as she talked. I was unable in my mind and heart to even imagine that my friend could have been talking about ME and MY baby. NO...this was someone else she was describing. NOT ME. For a few fleeting seconds my body was frozen in time. My mind literally went away. I COULD NOT connect what she was describing with my own personal experience. Herein lies the problem for millions of women. Even after all the help and amazing healing I've personally been through for years and years...it is so hard for me to wrap my mind around the horridness of "it" all and connect it to my own personal experience. The power of fear keeps all of us from really "looking at" the pain of abortion. I guess this is why I'm passionate about helping women tell their secrets in safety and with no judgement. I have a feeling there are millions of women "out there" whose mind and hearts go to a "different place" when they hear their friend talk about abortion. For me, it was another time. Another world. Another place. It wasn't me. No, NOT ME.

Starting All Over...

Making big decisions is hard. Sometimes the choices we make will impact our entire life...forever. As I look back on my life, I see how one choice leads to another choice and yet another...then before you know it your life takes twists and turns down paths you never dreamed. Working with my clients as we look at the missing pieces in their lives it becomes very clear how our choices direct our days. And the days the weeks, then the years.

Sometimes it comes down to making one big decision...a decision to just "start over." Instead of being at the mercy of fate, sometimes we just have to get intentional with our decisions. One big decision I encourage my clients to make is to start going down a path that brings health. It is quite freeing to some of them to actually realize that we can choose health! Wow! What a revelation!

I encourage the women I work with to choose health, choose life, choose to choose! We don't have to be stuck and at the mercy of fate. We can begin to make small baby steps toward health. If we make correct "little decisions" we will be heading down a path where the big decisions have a greater chance of being ones that will impact our lives in a positive way.

Recently I've decided to commit to health...for the rest of my life...what about you?

April 19, 1985

She was sitting in the big granny rocker that's in the corner of my counseling room. I guessed her age to be 10 years younger than she actually was. She was delightful in demeanor but in her eyes were a sadness that compelled me to look closer.

I never cease to be amazed at women's stories. I am also reminded frequently at how many details of the "vpt" day that come to mind when "the story" gets told. She remembered "that day" very well. Her "vpt" day was April 19, 1985. She described the weather, the doctor's office, the doctor's face, the feel of her husband's hand as he stood beside her and squeezed it. Tears were flowing and her voice shook. So much emotion there that had never been expressed! Her tone turned to anger as she talked about the reasons why. It softened as she went into the "what-if's" and the "I wonders." "I wonder what my child would have looked like. Would it be a girl, one like my precious 25 year old daughter...the light of my life.?"

I could go on recounting the story. The important thing is that someone was there to hear her story. Someone was there to listen with compassion and hand her a kleenex to wipe the tear falling down her cheek. It is so good to tell our stories. This is the beginning of finding our way home ...to comfort and to peace. ~Selah.

"Now We're Talking!"

Abortion or "voluntary pregnancy termination" is not anything we set out to do as a “goal” per se. It was never any of our basic desires to have to choose. Just like we were all on different roads and now we are here at this intersection, so are the choices we’ve made. Every choice, every decision has its own unique set of circumstances.

For women of choice our commonality is the same. There are other choices we could have made. Single-parenting, “having to get married,” adoption or in the case of a tough medical outcome…none of the options available provided perfect answers. For many of us perfection was demanded from us, either by ourselves or by others.

Choices, decisions are hard. There is never any easy answer. Every single one of the roads we could have chosen involve loss and grief. In abortion decisions we take the solitary road. If feels like we are alone. We don’t talk…until now!