I can't help but compare the Sanctity of Human Life Day and the Roe vs Wade Legalization of abortion days (January 23 and January 22 respectively) with the actual abortion process. Everything falls in line with so many similarities.
SILENCE.
I'm not a news junky, but I heard very little conversations about this topic in the media this weekend.
There is so much silence surrounding this issue. We have grown weary with the debating of it all and there are more pressing issues at hand.
So the women of choice passed quietly through this weekend. Hardly noticing any twinge of pain themselves. Ignoring everything connected to choice seems to be the answer. Maybe if we ignore the whole thing...maybe, just maybe "it" will go away.
NOT. Pain always has a way of surfacing "somewhere." In our bodies, in our minds, in our souls, in our relationships.
Yes, it was a quiet news weekend. Not much up. And so our culture marches on with denial as our best friend.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Trigger Day
OK.........so we're 38 years past legalization of abortion in our country. Well, we will be tomorrow, January 22nd, the day it officially became a legal right. As we continue to debate the pro's and con's...women sit in silence. I am amazed at how many women keep falling through the cracks. Why talk? No one will listen. My heart saddens on this day...for the women who are trapped in their prison of silence. Like me on Thursday of this week when hearing my friend tell of a news story about a former abortionist. For a few silent and unknown seconds (except to me) I entered my world of isolated horror and grief. I could not in any way connect to the reality of it all. My mind "went there" for a few seconds...my own living hell...then I came back to life and went on with my day. I am a person who is years past the event and with countless hours of healing "under my belt, in my head and heart."
Still there are the ice cold moments that trigger us. Only those who have been there could possibly understand.
The irony of it all is that my abortion was NOT legal. Whether or not it was legal did not make a difference to my thoughts, feelings and own heart. For this reason, I hope I can be a "safe place" for women to share. I feel this is my slice of the pie.
Still there are the ice cold moments that trigger us. Only those who have been there could possibly understand.
The irony of it all is that my abortion was NOT legal. Whether or not it was legal did not make a difference to my thoughts, feelings and own heart. For this reason, I hope I can be a "safe place" for women to share. I feel this is my slice of the pie.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Not me.
It is nearing the anniversary of Roe vs Wade. (January 22). A friend of mine was sharing yesterday a radio broadcast she heard that was very powerful. A woman talking about watching an ultrasound of an abortion. Baby was "fighting" for its life...only 12 weeks old. I tried to wrap my mind around "the process" of abortion. As I listened to her words, I "felt" myself going into an out-of-body experience. For the first time ...all these years past my abortion...I was able to recognize the actual dissociation reaction I was having as she talked. I was unable in my mind and heart to even imagine that my friend could have been talking about ME and MY baby. NO...this was someone else she was describing. NOT ME. For a few fleeting seconds my body was frozen in time. My mind literally went away. I COULD NOT connect what she was describing with my own personal experience. Herein lies the problem for millions of women. Even after all the help and amazing healing I've personally been through for years and years...it is so hard for me to wrap my mind around the horridness of "it" all and connect it to my own personal experience. The power of fear keeps all of us from really "looking at" the pain of abortion. I guess this is why I'm passionate about helping women tell their secrets in safety and with no judgement. I have a feeling there are millions of women "out there" whose mind and hearts go to a "different place" when they hear their friend talk about abortion. For me, it was another time. Another world. Another place. It wasn't me. No, NOT ME.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Starting All Over...
Making big decisions is hard. Sometimes the choices we make will impact our entire life...forever. As I look back on my life, I see how one choice leads to another choice and yet another...then before you know it your life takes twists and turns down paths you never dreamed. Working with my clients as we look at the missing pieces in their lives it becomes very clear how our choices direct our days. And the days the weeks, then the years.
Sometimes it comes down to making one big decision...a decision to just "start over." Instead of being at the mercy of fate, sometimes we just have to get intentional with our decisions. One big decision I encourage my clients to make is to start going down a path that brings health. It is quite freeing to some of them to actually realize that we can choose health! Wow! What a revelation!
I encourage the women I work with to choose health, choose life, choose to choose! We don't have to be stuck and at the mercy of fate. We can begin to make small baby steps toward health. If we make correct "little decisions" we will be heading down a path where the big decisions have a greater chance of being ones that will impact our lives in a positive way.
Recently I've decided to commit to health...for the rest of my life...what about you?
Sometimes it comes down to making one big decision...a decision to just "start over." Instead of being at the mercy of fate, sometimes we just have to get intentional with our decisions. One big decision I encourage my clients to make is to start going down a path that brings health. It is quite freeing to some of them to actually realize that we can choose health! Wow! What a revelation!
I encourage the women I work with to choose health, choose life, choose to choose! We don't have to be stuck and at the mercy of fate. We can begin to make small baby steps toward health. If we make correct "little decisions" we will be heading down a path where the big decisions have a greater chance of being ones that will impact our lives in a positive way.
Recently I've decided to commit to health...for the rest of my life...what about you?
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Press Release: New Resource Helps Women Face Grief After Abortion Without Fear
Buena Vista, CO (PRWEB) April 21, 2010 -- Professional Therapist Trudy M. Johnson, L.M.F.T., who helps women with grief after an abortion decision, says it is time to give women who've chosen to voluntarily terminate a pregnancy a venue to grieve and process their loss.
Women who've made abortion decisions over the last four decades make up one of the largest demographic in our nation. According to the Alan Guttmacher Institute, a statistical gathering arm of Planned Parenthood over one million choice decisions per year have been made since 1973.
Johnson believes women do not typically talk about an abortion in their past, "This is because they don't want to risk rejection, receive condemnation, or be misunderstood about the natural sadness that can occur after a voluntary pregnancy termination.
Women experience something called disenfranchised grief after an abortion. There are no open venues for talking about, crying about, or expressing any emotion over the feeling of loss that can often blindside a woman after a decision to terminate a pregnancy," says therapist Trudy Johnson, founder of Missing Pieces. Org.
Women who've made abortion decisions over the last four decades make up one of the largest demographic in our nation. According to the Alan Guttmacher Institute, a statistical gathering arm of Planned Parenthood over one million choice decisions per year have been made since 1973.
Johnson believes women do not typically talk about an abortion in their past, "This is because they don't want to risk rejection, receive condemnation, or be misunderstood about the natural sadness that can occur after a voluntary pregnancy termination.
Women experience something called disenfranchised grief after an abortion. There are no open venues for talking about, crying about, or expressing any emotion over the feeling of loss that can often blindside a woman after a decision to terminate a pregnancy," says therapist Trudy Johnson, founder of Missing Pieces. Org.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Pain is a Universal Language
Pain is a universal language that needs no interpreter. I have seen more pain the past few weeks than I've seen in a long,long time. Maybe I am just wearing down with it all. The thing about pain is that it imprisons a person in such a way there is no escape. Trying to run or medicate works for awhile, but even these coping skills only have a temporary lifespan. You have to get away, but getting away only means that coming back is inevitable.
When I discharged a client from her two-week participation in the brief intensive therapy program she completed yesterday, I gave her a symbolic going away present. I remembered having to get out a new box of kleenex from the supply cabinet when she arrived. Now on the last day, in the last hour of our session, she pulled the last kleenex from the box. As she wiped the last tear from her face, we laughed about her using a whole box full of kleenexes. I took the scissors and dismantled the box so it would lay flat. I handed the flattened package to her as a memorial of the "only way" she could release herself of the pain...crying!
Finding a safe place to grieve losses is a starting place for dumping the pain in our souls. There is something about someone "being there" and sharing the pain with you. Truly a burden shared is reduced, not magnified. Crying helps. But someone crying with you is even better.
When I discharged a client from her two-week participation in the brief intensive therapy program she completed yesterday, I gave her a symbolic going away present. I remembered having to get out a new box of kleenex from the supply cabinet when she arrived. Now on the last day, in the last hour of our session, she pulled the last kleenex from the box. As she wiped the last tear from her face, we laughed about her using a whole box full of kleenexes. I took the scissors and dismantled the box so it would lay flat. I handed the flattened package to her as a memorial of the "only way" she could release herself of the pain...crying!
Finding a safe place to grieve losses is a starting place for dumping the pain in our souls. There is something about someone "being there" and sharing the pain with you. Truly a burden shared is reduced, not magnified. Crying helps. But someone crying with you is even better.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Disenfranchised Grief and Depression
Ok. I'm talking about a very heavy subject this morning. Sorry for those of you looking for "light reading." Maybe you should google on something more cheerful if you can find anything in the news.
Disenfranchised grief is grief experienced by an individual that is not openly acknowledged, socially validated or publically observed. The loss experienced is real, but survivors are not accorded the “right to grieve” by anyone around them. An individual may have an intense and multifaceted reaction to a loss, yet those around him are completely ignorant or invalidating about the sadness that person may feel. Society at large simply is not comfortable with grief and for the most part completely ignores many instances of grief.
Some examples of disenfranchised grief are:
1) Loss of a pregnancy due to miscarriage
a. People say stupid things like “you can always have another baby.”
2) Loss of a pregnancy due to abortion
a. There is no public venue and complete lack of permission to grieve the loss of voluntary pregnancy termination
3) Loss of a child in an adoption process
a. Complete lack of understanding by society at large
4) Loss of an ex-husband or ex-wife
a. People say, “Wow! You should be glad they are out of your life now!
5) Break up of a gay couple
a. Complete lack of acknowledgement by society as a whole
When a person is in a disenfranchised grief circumstance, they are unable to process the emotions involved in that loss. They will do this usually completely alone and with no support system. The grieving process is always best done in community. It is important for others to share the tears and the pain of the loss. Yet in the instances mentioned above,parties involved in these losses are completely abandoned and isolated in their pain.
While there is a great movement of grief support groups in our nation, even those are probably not going to touch on the above mentioned losses, unless someone finds their special niche of group. They are available but sometimes hard to find.
The grieving process can be a long, difficult and painful process. The ideal way to grieve, again, is to have someone walk that valley of pain with you. It is the isolation and the abandonment that heaps even more coals of pain onto one’s heart in a disenfranchised grief situation.
Without validation and confirmation from another person, the emotions of sadness get pushed down. Eventually a person with disenfranchised grief will find themselves with a full blown case of depression.
Some common signs of depression are:
1) Lack of interest in things that used to bring joy
2) Difficulty getting out of bed in the morning
3) Sluggish, tired feeling
4) Unable to sleep or restless sleep
5) General feeling of sadness
6) Crying spells
7) Feeling fearful
Disenfranchised grief needs community for healing. If you are suffering from depression caused by disenfranchised grief it is important that you find someone to walk the valley of sadness with you. You can either find a professional who is trained in grief counseling or find the particular support group that would pertain to you. At the very least, it is important for you to find a friend who could listen to your story and who would be a safe place to cry with you.
You can take a grief inventory quiz on my Web site at www.missingpieces.org
Disenfranchised grief is grief experienced by an individual that is not openly acknowledged, socially validated or publically observed. The loss experienced is real, but survivors are not accorded the “right to grieve” by anyone around them. An individual may have an intense and multifaceted reaction to a loss, yet those around him are completely ignorant or invalidating about the sadness that person may feel. Society at large simply is not comfortable with grief and for the most part completely ignores many instances of grief.
Some examples of disenfranchised grief are:
1) Loss of a pregnancy due to miscarriage
a. People say stupid things like “you can always have another baby.”
2) Loss of a pregnancy due to abortion
a. There is no public venue and complete lack of permission to grieve the loss of voluntary pregnancy termination
3) Loss of a child in an adoption process
a. Complete lack of understanding by society at large
4) Loss of an ex-husband or ex-wife
a. People say, “Wow! You should be glad they are out of your life now!
5) Break up of a gay couple
a. Complete lack of acknowledgement by society as a whole
When a person is in a disenfranchised grief circumstance, they are unable to process the emotions involved in that loss. They will do this usually completely alone and with no support system. The grieving process is always best done in community. It is important for others to share the tears and the pain of the loss. Yet in the instances mentioned above,parties involved in these losses are completely abandoned and isolated in their pain.
While there is a great movement of grief support groups in our nation, even those are probably not going to touch on the above mentioned losses, unless someone finds their special niche of group. They are available but sometimes hard to find.
The grieving process can be a long, difficult and painful process. The ideal way to grieve, again, is to have someone walk that valley of pain with you. It is the isolation and the abandonment that heaps even more coals of pain onto one’s heart in a disenfranchised grief situation.
Without validation and confirmation from another person, the emotions of sadness get pushed down. Eventually a person with disenfranchised grief will find themselves with a full blown case of depression.
Some common signs of depression are:
1) Lack of interest in things that used to bring joy
2) Difficulty getting out of bed in the morning
3) Sluggish, tired feeling
4) Unable to sleep or restless sleep
5) General feeling of sadness
6) Crying spells
7) Feeling fearful
Disenfranchised grief needs community for healing. If you are suffering from depression caused by disenfranchised grief it is important that you find someone to walk the valley of sadness with you. You can either find a professional who is trained in grief counseling or find the particular support group that would pertain to you. At the very least, it is important for you to find a friend who could listen to your story and who would be a safe place to cry with you.
You can take a grief inventory quiz on my Web site at www.missingpieces.org
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